Not everything seems to look the same
my eyes are too crossed to look.
Books are open with words;
hopping ink that looks up at me,
teasing my pulsating nerves,
frayed with each watery look.
The television screen yells
a look of pure ghostly passion.
Drumming on my orb
lightning takes a look
at the swelling of my sanity.
Whispers look like hell.
A footstep, a nightlight, a rain drop
look through pillowed ears,
and echo past a guarded temple
into the gray looking nerves.
Please no sound no light
to look me in my mind.
Messages smudge in vain.
At my Whit’s end, I simply stop — looking.
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Wow, i really like the way you add your name in there at the end, it is a perfect fit for the poem and the form of Ghazal. I am aware you did that on purpose, so good job. It is great to see the word take on two forms for the line, it makes the poem stronger and different. I really enjoy all the metaphors you use to make the picture of someone struggling with a migraine. The pillowed ears was my favorite, and i truly get the image of hands cupping ears as if to protect sounds.
ReplyDeleteThe pillows can't protect the ears and pain though, and I enjoyed how the sound is like an echo. When i have a migraine the feeling of anyone or anything is ring and pulsating like an echo. It doesn't stop even after the person shuts up. Asking for no light or sound shows the desperation most have when they wish their headache would just go away. Everything is so clear and vivid, i am really impressed especially because the poem is such a short poem, your ideas must be condensed but still make sense.
One thing i would like to suggest on the matter, i thought your first line was the weakest like in the poem. It is more of a statement that your tired and less of a statement towards your head hurting. Take out the first line or change it to fit the meaning of the poem and i think you have a great Ghazal. Great job!
Being a victim of vicious migraines myself, I really connected with this poem. The images are strikingly vivid and on target with the experience of having a migraine. There are a few lines, however, that are a little bit confusing to me. Most of which can be solved with simple grammatical tweaks. The first line for example, “Not everything seems to look the same” would make more sense if it were just “Not everything seems the same” or “Not everything looks the same.” I also feel as though the two lines in the second stanza should be connected with a single word to clarify the meaning more. Instead of “Books are open with words; hopping ink that looks up at me,” you could take out the semi-colon from the first line and add “of” in front of hopping, just because the line “Books are open with words” by itself seems as if the words are what open books. Also “lightning takes a look at the swelling of my sanity” doesn’t make sense to me. I know you have to have the word look in that second line but I don’t understand how lightning is looking at your sanity.
ReplyDeleteConfusing bits aside, I really enjoyed a lot of the imagery and ideas you brought forth in this poem. The “watery look” and the “look of pure ghostly passion” were two that jumped out at me as being very accurate descriptions while maintaining a freshness and creativity in the language. It’s nice how you go back and forth from simple language to poetic descriptions, as it gives the poem a beautiful yet realistic feel. I especially liked the line “Please no light no sound.” It sort of provides a climax for all the torture of the migraine that you describe because you’re finally then pleading to the reader almost, for help. Although I like what you did with the end (especially how you incorporated your name very cleverly) I think the “—looking” is a little too dramatic with the dash.