PERMISSIONS: To view the blog, post on it, and comment on posts, you must be invited. I will send you an email invitation to join the blog, and then you must follow the instructions to join up and begin posting. You can't join the blog without first creating a Google account.

POSTING: Post your poems by clicking "New Post" at the top right of the page. Paste your poem into the window.

LABELING: Then label the post with the assignment name (i.e., "confessional poem," "sonnet," etc.), your name (i.e., "Tony Barnstone," etc.), and the week (i.e., "week one," "week two," but not "week 1"--spell out your numbers). If you post a poem in week two that is due in week three, label it "week three." When you begin to type in a label, the program will fill it in for you, so your post will be labeled with the rest of the poems in the same category.

COMMENTING: Afterwards, you can "comment" on the posts of your classmates. Post "group one" and "group two" one-page critical responses as "comments" on the posted poems, but also print out copies for me and for the poet and give them to us in class.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Bedford, New York

The tears are pouring like rain,
the milk has been poured.

"Don't get wet," she said.
"Poor little thing, he'll get sick."

Drying off wet my wet hair,
the porridge waits.

Ideas poor out my mind,
causing sickness;again, "poor thing."

Why do i hear this voice?
Relaxing as he words seep through my pores.

Taken back from it all,
The rain still pours from my eyes.

Time has passed and I only sit.
Porridge is cold now.

"Clear your plate dear,"
"Annie i'll pour it in the sink."
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1 comment:

  1. CelinaMay 12, 2009 at 10:31 PM

    I like the calm nature of the poem. Many times, people think a poem is a poem when it is filled with over-the-top descriptions loaded with adjectives that create a frustrating ambiguity. However, I believe that simpler, direct language is sometimes more powerful and can provide a clearer picture of what the poet is trying to describe. Another great touch for the poem is the dialogue, which gives the poem a more personal feel, making it more real to the reader. In the fourth stanza, however, I don’t think it’s necessary to have quotes around the “poor thing.” I think when you say “again” directly before it, it emphasizes the fact that it was previously stated in a dialogue beforehand.
    There are many ways the repeated word can sound in a ghazal. Sometimes it’s hidden well within the context of the language, sometimes it’s more obvious and, as is the case with your ghazal, it’s purposefully obvious. You did this by emphasizing the different uses and meanings of the word “poor.” I found “porridge” to be especially clever and ambitious. As far as content is concerned, I don’t fully understand what the poem is about. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the character in the story is reflecting on the warm days of their childhood nostalgically and is unhappy in their current life. This part however: “Ideas poor out my mind, causing sickness; again, ‘poor thing.’ Why do i hear this voice?” Causes me to believe the person has some mental illness now, possibly schizophrenia and is remembering the days when they were healthy. If that is the case, it needs to be played up a little more throughout the rest of the poem. As of now, it almost seems like an after-thought that doesn’t do much for the overall movement of the story. Clarify what’s happening a little (by connecting the dialogue a bit) and it will be quite moving.

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