Critical Response 2 to Xan Calonne’s “Rinds in the Loam”

I have to say, this poem creeped me out. I can’t quite put my finger on why it did; but it managed to. The formal structure of the poem is pretty solid, and Xan has managed to make the form his own in the course of the poem, so I cannot offer much in the way of critique there. The lines which really stuck out to me were “A party sits and eats in pungent dirt and leaves and grass,/ Now they begin to drink from hollowed rinds found in the loam” and “The old king feels arthritic while he waits for Ragnorak/ His sword hangs at his side useless it is forged from hollow bone.” Both of these lines are just plain eerie to me. The images are strange, but very vivid and easy to put together in the mind. Yet, there are other lines which I do not see working as well. They are essentially the middle two stanzas of the poem separating the lines I have quoted above. Though “a minted mime” and a “blacksmith… at an old-timey faire” are both interesting and what Xan is doing with the rhymes is clever, they do not seem to do as much for the mood of the poem as the others. I would not say to cut them completely, but to perhaps expand on them and investigate the faire that the blacksmith is at and show the other characters at the carnival/faire. I would really like to see what he does with this and I hope that these suggestions bring up some things that get his mind going.